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'How can I pursue my dream to find the person to marry, when it's so hard to connect with new people because of COVID?'

Posted by Sarah Perron, Certified Coach

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Tue, Feb 08, 2022

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01:37 AM

This week, Back to Center looks at hypocritical bosses, dating, getting 'back to normal' and worry over loved ones

'How can I pursue my dream to find the person to marry, when it's so hard to connect with new people because of COVID?'

Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org

 

My hypocritical boss is making me crazy! He’s demanding that all the employees at our company wear masks on the job, but I’ve seen him go without a mask many times. He threatens us but doesn’t feel the need to live by the same standards. How should I react to him?

Wow, that is a frustrating situation. It’s never easy to deal with a person who feels the rules apply to everyone but them. I can hear how much this is bothering you. And since it is bothering you this much – perhaps affecting your happiness and effectiveness at work – it seems that some sort of confrontation with your boss is needed. 

There are a number of different ways you could do this, but before you choose one, take some time to clarify for yourself what outcome you would want from the confrontation. Do you want your boss to join everyone else in wearing a mask? Or do you want to pursue your right and that of your fellow employees to go mask-less too? 

Once you have clarity about what you want, decide what mode of confrontation feels right to you. Is it a private meeting with your boss, or an official letter of complaint? Is this something you want to handle alone, or would you prefer to bring like-minded colleagues into the meeting or have them sign the letter too? 

Also decide for yourself what your attitude will be. How will you react if the confrontation becomes heated? Whether you are asking that your boss adhere to the same rules he’s insisting on for others or claiming your right to be exempt from mask-wearing, you are on firm ground. Stand your ground calmly and confidently. Do your best to stay respectful and professional, regardless of how your boss behaves, and your case will be that much stronger.  

If nothing changes after confronting your boss, you may want to seek the help of others, whether it be your company’s Human Resources department or a lawyer. You are entitled to a workplace that is fair, supportive, and safe. Don’t hesitate to use the resources available to you to ensure that for yourself and your fellow employees. All the best to you!

*****

I really want to be dating to find the person I'm going to marry, but I'm finding it so hard to connect with new people because of COVID. How can I pursue this dream when social connection is so complicated right now?

Thank you for sharing your question! I can hear the strong desire you have for a deep, lasting relationship and acknowledge that it feels like the times we’re in pose extra challenges to getting what you want. It can seem hard enough sometimes to find “the one” under normal circumstances!

While COVID can present real challenges to connecting socially, I’d like to see if we can lessen its influence on how you feel about your situation. It’s possible that you may be allowing the COVID monster to cast a shadow over your dream that doesn’t need to be there. So, before we talk practical action, let’s make sure you’re set up internally in the best possible way for achieving your desire.

I’ll start by guiding you in the direction I take anyone I talk with who has a dream they want to pursue: Create a vision for what you want. What kind of person do you want to be with? How do they make you feel? Who do you want to be in the relationship? What is it like to find that “perfect match”? What does your life together look like? First imagine the end result that you want, in as much detail as you can, and then write it down. Revisit your vision often; make changes and additions as needed along the journey. When we’re clear on where we want to go, there’s a much higher likelihood that we’ll get there. 

Next, write down all your fears and limiting beliefs about being able to have what you want. Pour them out on paper, without judgment. They could be fears related to COVID or about dating in general. The simple act of writing these thoughts and feelings down chips away at the power they have over you. Do this daily. If the same thought comes up repeatedly, write it down again. Don’t let the fears take root in you.

All of this inner work is so critical to finding the relationship that you want. It is this work that will start to open up possibilities for you. Letting go of the weights and blocks in our inner world manifests positively in the events of our lives. It may be that when you have that clear vision of what you want and have consistently done the work of releasing your fears, you’ll find that you’ll start making connections with people through channels that you weren’t even aware of before. Things will start happening for you when you let go.

What else can you do? I encourage you to be open, as never before, to different possibilities. If you’ve previously favored meeting people organically, and have shied away from dating websites, this might be a good time to venture online and see what can come through virtual connections. If you’ve always resisted asking friends and family members to set you up with single people they know, consider taking the vulnerable plunge of seeking their help. Let your desire to find that amazing person drive you to think creatively and give everything a fair chance. 

Above all, don’t give up. Don’t let the times get you down. Do your inner work, be open and vulnerable, and soon you’ll find that nothing, not even COVID, can stand in the way of you and your dream. May you find the one you are searching for with ease and joy and may the two of you have a long and beautiful life together!

*****

When will COVID be over already? I just want life to get back to normal, but there's no end in sight. It's driving me crazy! How can I find some sanity?

I understand what you’re feeling! COVID came along, seemingly out of the blue, and flipped everything on its head…and now what? You want to see a light at the end of the tunnel, to at least know that a sense of normalcy is on its way, but there are no guarantees…It’s enough to make anyone feel crazy.

I’ve often thought of the COVID experience as being like when you’re swimming in the ocean, and an incoming wave catches you off guard. It crashes full force into you, flips you around, tumbles you head over heels, grinds you into the sand, and leaves you completely disorientated, not sure which way is up. 

You know, this analogy actually holds within it the answer I want to offer to you in your struggle with what’s happening. In my experience, most of the times I’ve been royally crashed by an ocean wave happened when I (unwisely) stood still and tried to rigidly brace myself against the wall of water coming at me. That’s when the water got the best of me. It was me against the wave, and I was the one going down.

But, when I’ve chosen to either swim toward the wave and dive through it, or simply lift my feet up and float over it, I’ve passed through free and clear. 

Let’s come back to you now. Let’s talk about the “COVID wave” that has swept the world. You could stay in that place of resistance and rigid bracing against the wave that is right here in front of you. But do that for long, and you are likely to get rolled upside down and ingest a ton of salt water. Yuck.

But what could it look like to let go, lift up your feet, and ride the wave? Or swim boldly toward it and dive through? The wave is here – there’s no questioning that fact – and we don’t know how long it will fill our view of the skyline. The only question is how you are going to approach it and how much you are going to let it affect your outlook on life. 

When we experience challenging circumstances, working on a simple acceptance of what is happening can open up enormous wells of strength for dealing with the difficulties. Resistance and denial send us nowhere but down. I believe that the sanity you’re looking for will come by accepting the moment you find yourself in, rather than attempting to escape, and by focusing in on what you can always control: your attitude and outlook.

Life is much happier when you choose to ride the waves!

****

I am completely against the COVID experimental drug they’re passing off as a “vaccine,” but so many of my friends and family members have chosen to get it, multiple times. I’ve heard about the potential adverse reactions and am really worried for the health of the people I love. How can I deal with the anxiety I feel over their well-being?  

It’s no small thing, is it? To see your friends and family making choices they think will keep them safe, when you believe that they may actually be harming themselves terribly. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of fear, helplessness, and pain around this.

I believe the place to start is by accepting what has already happened as being over and done. Your loved ones have gotten the shots – they’ve made their choice, for those rounds at least. Your worry for them can’t undo that. It’s not an easy thing to accept, but letting the past go – even if the past was just yesterday – can allow you to move forward.

On the subject of moving forward, let’s talk about your worry for a moment. Can you use those anxious feelings to accomplish something? Is there a way to harness them and let them propel you toward productive action? If no, your worry is useless. All it’s doing is eating away at you. 

But I believe the answer can be yes. The best way to deal with your worry for those you love is to do something with it. What would it look like to have conversations with your friends and family who have taken the shot, expressing your hope that they won’t feel the need to get any further injections? Or how about talking with people you know who aren’t “vaccinated,” but seem to be leaning in the direction of becoming so and encouraging them to reconsider? 

When having these conversations, the best approach will be to frame everything you say with love and concern – leave confrontation, anger, and blame out of it. Share the information you have on the “vaccine” (do this extra-sensitively with those who have already had the shot) and express your concerns. Ask your friends and family why they feel they need to take it – what is behind the decision? You may end up learning more about what’s going on for them at a deeper level and be able to help them through their own fears and concerns. 

I truly hope these conversations will be positive for all involved. However, please remember this: Everyone has the right to make their own choice, and nobody wants to be pressured either way. You can only do your best to express your concerns to those you love, and after that, it’s up to them. You don’t need to feel responsible for their decisions – if you’re carrying that weight, see if you can release it.

I wish you, your family, and friends complete health and safety, and that your relationships are only made stronger by this experience!

 

Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org

Sarah Perron is a Certified Transformational Life Coach. Her passion is to help people create a powerful vision for their lives, identify and eliminate anything that holds them back, and step into their own unique greatness and mission in the world. She believes deeply in the power of coaching to bring fresh perspectives, ideas, and motivation to anyone who wants to thrive in life. Sarah works with clients one-on-one and in group coaching programs and presents exciting workshops on self-development topics. You can follow her on her YouTube channel Find Your Fire.

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